


Let You Love Me

by shipsandglitter



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Cyrus deserves the whole world, Figuring out feelings n shit, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, I promise, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Songfic, This is...angsty ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 13:39:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19199959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipsandglitter/pseuds/shipsandglitter
Summary: "Maybe in another universe, TJ would’ve stayed. Maybe in another universe TJ would always stay. This one just wasn’t it."~A.k.a Cyrus is in love and TJ is scared.[Songfic based on the 'Let You Love Me' by Rita Ora]





	Let You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO I was feeling sad so here's some angst based on a deceivingly upbeat song by Rita Ora. 
> 
> Hope it's okay and not too ooc!!

_I should've stayed with you last night_

_Instead of going out to find trouble_

 

It was twelve am and Cyrus was beginning to feel hazy, light as a feather as he made his way through the dancing crowds. Everything was blurring slightly around him as he went, finding a couch in the corner to collapse down on. 

Bright neon lights of varying colours were flashing inside the house, filling the room in short bursts as people gathered around in their groups, talking, laughing and dancing. It wasn’t his usual scene by any means, but Buffy and Marty had both somehow convinced him to come. His foggy brain couldn’t exactly remember where they had gone, and the pulsing music really wasn’t helping matters.

It started with him noticing TJ across the dance floor, green eyes glinting playfully as they always seemed to do. Cyrus could feel himself falling again, as he always did, but somehow his brain didn’t seem to protest this time. He watched as TJ pushed his way through the swarms, face flashing with varying colours as he did. He reached the small couch where Cyrus was sat, red cup in hand. 

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” TJ remarked, voice light. 

Cyrus looked up at the boy, eyes travelling from the white shirt he was wearing, to the pride necklace around his neck, to the way his lips curled up into a smile that never failed in reducing Cyrus to a mess. He sighed. 

“Always expect the unexpected, TJ.” 

The boy just smiled again, sitting down beside Cyrus and placed an arm on the couch behind him. Cyrus bit his lip, leaning in slightly despite himself.

“Want some of my drink?” TJ asked, voice raised slightly due to the music.

He narrowed his eyes skeptically. “What is it?” 

“Coke,” said TJ, laughing slightly when Cyrus gave him a disbelieving look. “I swear.” 

Cyrus took the cup after a few more moments of hesitation, taking a small sip. He regretted it almost immediately because  _shit_ , now TJ’s hand was free and he was running it through his hair and Cyrus’ stupid gay heart was soaring. 

“So, if you’re not here for the drinks then why  _are_  you here?” TJ asked, smiling as Cyrus handed him back the cup. 

“For Buffy and Marty.” 

TJ glanced around in an exaggerated fashion, before returning his gaze to him again. “Seems legit.” 

“I’ve been ditched I think,” he explained with a sigh. “Or somehow I just lost them.” 

TJ nodded, looking out at the crowd of dancers for a moment. Cyrus glanced over at him out of the corner of his eye, biting his lip. 

“Why are you doing this, TJ?” 

The words hung in the air around them like a fog for what seemed like minutes, with loud pop music and laughter filling the silence between them. 

TJ couldn’t seem to look at Cyrus now. 

“Doing what?” 

Cyrus scoffed, gesturing to the arm TJ currently had practically wrapped around him. “ _This._ Coming back to me. Being so sweet and then running away every time. What do you want?” 

Silence. TJ let out a shaky sounding breath.

“Kippen! Justin’s got some weed at his place, we gotta bail dude!” 

Reed’s voice rung out surprisingly clear amongst the crowd. Cyrus watched as TJ stood up and sent him an apologetic glance before following the boy. Soon, he was swallowed up by the crowd again and Cyrus was left alone as ever. His phone lit up with a message not even a minute later.

 **TJ:** You. That’s I want.  

 **Cyrus:** Then why’d you just leave? Why do you always leave? 

No response. He shouldn’t have been surprised.

 

_I think I run away sometimes_

_Whenever I get too vulnerable_

_That's not your fault_

 

Cyrus leaned forward to brush a stray strand of hair away from TJ’s face, hand lingering for a moment as they looked at one another. Pale moonlight was filtering in through his bedroom blinds, falling onto the boy’s face as he spoke.

TJ was cross-legged, sitting to face him.

“I just don’t like people knowing too much about me for some reason. Well - one person, anyway,” he admitted quietly, voice wavering slightly. “But you just...do something to me.” 

Cyrus nodded and shuffled closer on the bed, which was covered in blankets and pillows from their failed attempt at a pillow fort.

“It just feels kind of exposing to talk about serious stuff. I mean - it’s easier to just pretend it doesn’t exist. I guess I’m just...scared of someone knowing everything about me.” 

Cyrus shook his head, unable to resist bringing his hand up again to push back the strand of hair that had fallen forward again. “You don’t have to tell me everything,” he said.

TJ took a moment to process the words. He didn’t end up responding.

“...I really do like you,” he settled on saying instead, which had the frown on Cyrus’ face smoothing out into an expression of shock. Sure, they had kissed before, but TJ had virtually never said something along those lines.

“I like you too,” he murmured back.

TJ glanced down at his lap for a moment before looking back up at the boy. Cyrus hesitated before leaning over towards him, pausing when their lips were inches apart. He wasn’t sure if it was the moonlight or if TJ’s eyes naturally seemed to sparkle like that, but suddenly it seemed the air was seeping out his lungs.

“Can I?” he breathed.

TJ nodded, gently pulling the boy in and connecting their lips. 

And Cyrus knew TJ probably wouldn’t be there in the morning. He knew that the boy had been hurt beyond belief by his exes, and that it’d take a hell of a lot for him to trust  _Cyrus_  of all people, but it was so hard to care when they were kissing like this. 

Maybe he’d just forget about it for that night.

 

_See I wanna stay the whole night_

_I wanna lay with you till the sun's up_

_I wanna let you inside_

_Oh, heaven knows I've tried_

 

 _‘I’m sorry’_  was the note TJ left in his place on the bed when Cyrus woke up the following morning, eyes squinted as they adjusted to the sunlight streaming in through his now opened blinds. He could only assume TJ had climbed through the window again, and honestly - he couldn’t find it within himself to be disappointed anymore. He responded to a few texts before collapsing back down in his bed with a sigh, holding the note to his chest. 

It shouldn’t be so hard to let someone go, but TJ was  _TJ_  and Cyrus was so ridiculously gone that his efforts to let go were always futile. All it would take was one of TJ’s smiles, or one of TJ’s dumb jokes, or one of TJ’s lingering looks and suddenly it was almost like Cyrus was  _ready_  to get hurt again.

Maybe in another universe, TJ would’ve stayed. Maybe in another universe TJ would always stay. This one just wasn’t it. 

 

_I wish that I could let you love_

_Wish that I could let you love me_

_What's the matter with me?_

_Oh, I wish that I could I let you love_

 

“TJ Kippen, this is probably the most scandalous thing I’ve ever done in my life and if we get in trouble for it I’m  _going_  to kill you.” 

The boy laughed, and the sound seemed to bounce off the walls as they descended down the darkened stairwell towards the music rooms. Cyrus had to bite back a smile.

“They don’t call me a rebel for no reason,” said TJ, looking back at Cyrus with that  _stupidly_  cute playful expression on his face.

It was becoming darker with each step they took down those concrete stairs, away from the warm-looking corridors and classes. Cyrus kept glancing around wearily for any sign of other students, jumping at the slightest of sounds. TJ came to a stop then, turning around to face the boy.

“Wanna hold my hand? I can pretty much feel the fear radiating off you.” 

Cyrus scoffed. “I’m not scared.”

A door banging closed from upstairs broke the silence around them, and Cyrus jolted violently, stepping down right into TJ’s arms. 

“Nevermind.” 

The boy laughed again, eyes fond as he pulled Cyrus into a hug.

Cyrus would never admit it, but he lived for moments like these. TJ had an infuriating talent in making him feel safe, and for a few brief moments while they remained like that the world always seemed to fade away. A part of him had always been scared of being alone, particularly now that his friends were all dating, and somehow this made him feel as though he wasn’t for a few seconds. 

Everyone was alone in the end, Cyrus supposed. He just liked to trick himself into thinking that wasn’t the case, which was why he was honestly just as dependent on TJ as TJ seemed to be on him. 

“Let’s keep going,” the boy murmured after a moment, and Cyrus nodded his head in agreement. 

TJ took his hand, leading him down the rest of the stairs and into a corridor with faded carpeting and caged walls. 

“This looks like it shouldn’t even be part of a school,” Cyrus remarked, glancing around as they went. 

“Yeah...it’s a good hiding spot though. Only the music teacher comes down here, and that’s in the evenings.” 

When TJ stopped by a brittle-looking wooden door Cyrus did too, glancing back a few more times as the boy pushed it open and checked no one was inside. 

“We’re good,” he whispered, stepping through and looking around for a moment. 

Cyrus stepped in after him. There were various musical instrument cases on the ground that took up almost a quarter of the room, protected by a metal cage. The floor was covered by the same worn out looking carpet, and the only available source of light was an old-fashioned looking lightbulb dangling above their heads. 

TJ smiled as he sat down in the corner of the room. “When’s the last time you think this place got renovated?” 

“The eighteenth century,” Cyrus responded with a smile, settling down on the ground opposite the boy. 

It was between lingering kisses and fragments of conversation that TJ always seemed to open up most, and this time was no different. Cyrus eventually shifted so that he was leant against the wall beside TJ, his head rested on the boy’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, face illuminated faintly by the light, “I wish more could happen between us without me just...freaking out.” 

“I like this,” Cyrus assured, although the ache in his chest suggested otherwise. 

TJ sighed. “Do you?” 

Barely any noise from the upper levels of the school reached them down there, making the silence between them seem to stretch out for longer than it probably did.

Truthfully, Cyrus had always wished there could be something more stable between them - something that wasn’t so on and off, something that wasn’t always based on when they needed company.

“Let’s forget about that, okay?” Cyrus ended up murmuring, moving again to face the boy.

 _Like we always do,_ his brain supplied unhelpfully.

TJ nodded, leaning forward to capture Cyrus’ lips with his own and pull him back onto his lap. 

It wasn’t much, but when it came to TJ it had to be enough. 

 

_And every time it gets too real_

_And every time I feel like sabotaging_

_I start running again_

 

Cyrus knew he shouldn’t have said it. He knew he should’ve just kept his mouth shut and pretended he didn’t feel the way he did, but  _god_ , it became harder with every interaction between them to do that. 

Maybe it was the rhythmic fall of raindrops on the roof, or the warm glow that was filling his darkened room, or the way TJ was looking at him as though nothing else in the world mattered. All he knew was that he found himself murmuring three words and suddenly the world was collapsing around them. 

“I love you.” 

He should’ve anticipated his reaction - TJ always panicked at any sign that the relationship between them was getting even slightly serious, but in the moment it had felt so ridiculously  _right_  he couldn’t help it.

Cyrus didn’t even particularly  _want_  to feel the way he did. He didn’t  _want_  to be okay with this constant push and pull game between him and TJ, but his brain didn’t really seem to care about what he wanted.

It was the truth. But often, truths should go left unsaid. This happened to be one of those.

In an instant TJ was standing up from the bed, shock and fear written all over his face as though Cyrus had just uttered the worst words in the world. And maybe he had. 

“ _TJ_  - wait - please don’t go again,” he begged,  almost wincing at how desperate his voice sounded.

It was no use. The boy was shaking his head, tears filling his eyes as he threw open Cyrus’ door. “I’m sorry, I just...need time to think, okay?” 

Then TJ was gone, and all that was left of him was his sweater and the lingering smell of his cologne. Cyrus slipped the sweater over his head and collapsed back down on the bed, trying desperately to pretend that TJ was still there holding onto him.

Maybe in another universe. 

 

_And every time I push away_

_I really wanna say that I'm sorry_

_But I say nothing_

 

Cyrus could see TJ typing and deleting several texts over the next few days, and it was driving him half crazy trying to figure out what the boy was trying to say. He didn’t usually try to reach out after running away, which only seemed to feed into the hope blooming in his chest. 

Maybe this time would be different.

The text never came. TJ eventually gave up on trying to type one, and Cyrus gave up on expecting one. 

The following Monday brought thunderstorms with it, and Cyrus almost liked that the weather seemed to be reflecting his mood. It was comforting to know that maybe he wasn’t  _totally_  alone in his feelings.

Buffy and Andi were furious at school, as they always were, and their scolding fell on deaf ears, as it always did. He loved his friends more than anything and he knew they were usually always right, but for some reason, he could never bring himself to cut TJ off entirely. 

He had tried of course - like that time a few weeks ago, but that had ended up with TJ finding him at that party. Maybe it was just destined to be casual between them. Maybe TJ would always run from the slightest signs of love.

And maybe Cyrus would always fall for people who didn’t love him back.

 

_I wanna lay with you through the sunrise_

_I wanna stay with you till the morning_

 

The following day at school, Andi arrived wearing Amber’s clothes. She walked up to the group and casually announced that she had stayed the night at Amber’s. 

“Amber made pancakes!” Andi sang, giggling when Amber pulled her in a pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

Cyrus tried to force a smile. Casually staying the night was something that had never happened with TJ, and he was beginning to think he’d never have a relationship like his friends seemed to have. The thought made his face fall.

Maybe one day TJ would stay the night and help him make pancakes while they dance around the kitchen. For now, he supposed the idea was far-fetched. 

“I’ll be right back,” he announced suddenly, turning abruptly and walking quickly towards the nearest exit. It was raining - again - but Cyrus didn’t mind it like he normally did. He  _welcomed_  it even, walking out and settling down under the cover provided by the narrow overhang.

He loved TJ, but he was beginning to think he’d have no choice but to cut him off for good. Casual relationships like the one they shared were probably always supposed to crash and burn, anyway. Maybe Buffy and Andi were right. Maybe he and TJ had been a lost cause from the start.

 

_Oh, I wish that I could I let you love_

_Wish that I could let you love me now_

 

Cyrus was a mess that Thursday. His hair was sticking up in all directions and he had changed into pyjamas the moment he’d gotten home, so naturally, TJ chose that day to knock on his door. 

He threw it open, smiling at first, but it slipped from his face the moment his eyes fell on the boy. TJ must’ve noticed because his face visibly fell too. 

“Um. Hey.” 

Cyrus couldn’t help but scoff. “Oh, so he speaks!” 

It was still overcast outside, which Cyrus couldn’t help but find fitting. He could barely see the sky through the layer of grey clouds covering it. 

“Cyrus, baby I-“

“Don’t call me that. We’re not a couple, TJ. We never were! And I’m done with this whole on and off thing. I’m sorry but I really care about you and it fucking hurts having you run off every two seconds. I can’t handle this anymore. Kissing is fun and all, but we  _both_  know there’s something more between us. We’re either together or we’re not.”

TJ nodded, looking guiltily down at the ground. “There is. I’m sorry. I’ve been too scared to even focus on how much this must all suck for you.”

Cyrus nodded, hesitating for a moment before taking a small step forward. “I won’t hurt you, TJ. That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do, I promise.” 

The boy nodded, letting out a shaky exhale. 

“I just...I just wanted to say that...” he paused, laughing to himself, “fuck this is hard. I don’t know how you did it.” 

Cyrus’ heart skipped a beat. “Did...did what?” he questioned hesitantly. 

TJ finally looked up again. Cyrus could feel his heart racing in his chest now. 

“I love you too.”

He’d expected those words deep down, but hearing them aloud was a whole other matter. Cyrus began smiling like an idiot despite himself. 

_Holy shit, TJ loved him. He actually loved him!_

Cyrus forgot his anger for a moment and walked right into TJ’s arms, allowing the boy to gently pull him in and rest his chin on his head.

He knew TJ would need time.

He knew they wouldn’t instantly become a couple.

He knew Buffy and Andi would definitely kill him for this.

But he also knew that TJ loved him, and in that moment, it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Kudos/comments are appreciated if you liked it <3
> 
> (Also lmk if anyone would be interested in a part 2)


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